The Zen of Junior High Dodgeball

Here in Seattle, it’s known as Soak ‘Em* and back in 1979, when I was in the seventh grade, it was more brutal than any other game our emotionally damaged gym teacher could select from his vast trunk of torturous and humiliating activities. Hands down, Soak ‘Em was more painful than touch football, more dangerous […]

Bodhisattva Bowwow

3:09 A.M. I sat up suddenly in bed and squinted through the darkness. Marley shook his head, jangling his tags to let me know he was also awake. “How long have you been up, Bubby?” Marley just sighed. I heard him stand and walk towards the bedroom door. “OK, Bubby, just a second,” I slipped […]

Immortal Kombat

I’m getting pretty tired of religion. It’s been an increasingly difficult issue for me and there seems to be no shortage of complicating factors to be revealed. The recent military action on Gaza by Israel is no small example. People endlessly argue over which party is more justified, effectively diminishing the deaths of real people […]

Brown Belt, Black Shoes

Photo by Miles Ranno I’m the first to admit that I think high fashion is silly. One of my favorite magazines, Vanity Fair, is absolutely gorged with full-page ads for ostentatious brands like Fendi, Louis Vuitton and Versace, and I only tolerate them because they are what keeps the cover price in a somewhat reasonable […]

You Can't Get Good Help These Days

“What you need is a vacation.” Sixty-fifth Assistant glanced at his boss through the corner of his eye, sneaking a peek at the boss’s reaction to his suggestion. Noting with no small amount of relief that the boss was still sitting calmly behind his desk, he dared to add, “Perhaps somewhere near Capricus Prime or […]

Macho Cheese

You know, we’re well past the age of hairy chests and gold chains, yet I still see men who cannot seem to grasp what the true nature of manliness actually is.  They do the most insipid things to appear virile and masculine, thereby succeeding only in revealing to everyone the basest aspects of being male. […]

What, are Tentacles out of Season?

My boss, feeling that his devoted and talented Advertising staff had kicked quite a substantial amount of ass last quarter, took us all out for lunch Friday and then to the Seattle Art Museum to see the Roman Art from the Louvre exhibit. It was, overall, a delightful time, though the experience did ironically force […]