I'm Not Gay

Editors’ Note: Our ‘Humane Religion’ columnist, Lindsey Kay, felt compelled to write this article due to the backlash she has received over her recently-released book, Honest Conversations, which deals with her Christian church’s stance on homosexuality, and has stirred up quite a storm amongst some Christians. We have printed a reader review of Lindsey’s book in this month’s review section.


I’m not gay. Every once in a while I feel this need to remind the world of that fact.

I’m not a lesbian. I am madly in love with a man. I am deeply attracted to him on both a physical and emotional level. We have two wonderful children together, these children whom amaze me daily. I love my life, I love my husband, I would not choose a different existence. I am fulfilled by my marriage as much as any person ever can be. (That meaning, yes we have issues and troubles and moments of frustration, but I believe that fact only goes to demonstrate our devotion- I am with my husband because I love and chose him, and no other reason.)

I do not secretly wonder if I may be a lesbian. I do not write about homosexuality because I’m trying to assuage my own sin. I don’t want to make being gay “okay” so that I can leave my husband and go do gay things. I write about homosexuality because ten years ago my best friend told me she was with another girl, and she was sure it would end our friendship. I write about it because six years ago I watched a young man lose his faith in God when God didn’t heal his sexuality. I write about it because most Christians don’t know anyone who is gay- or at least don’t know that the people they know are gay. I write about it because sexuality has created a huge and yawning divide in Christianity, and someone has to be willing to put their foot across the gap and risk being dirty.

I write about it because, honestly, I don’t know how not to. I care, therefore I write. I can’t stop caring, so I can’t stop writing.

But am I gay? No.

Last 5 posts by Lindsey Kay

Last 5 posts by Lindsey Kay