Screw You, I’m Fifty-Two

…And I have wrinkles, receding gums, and a higher income tax bracket. But there are some benefits to aging, believe it or not. If you were paying attention at all, by the time you’re over fifty like me, you’ll have learned something about life.

The following are some things I now know for sure to be true:

1) Being ‘sexy’ doesn’t necessarily come from having youthful, physical flawlessness. No matter how old we get, women (and men) can still exude sensuousness by their enthusiasm for people and new experiences. You’ll be surprised at how many young people appreciate that in an older person. I guess it makes them feel that they’re not falling head first into the grave as soon as they reach forty.

2) The Rolling Stones will always be cool. They’ll never stop giving terrific performances. In fact, they might even be immortal, sort of like vampires.

3) Doing what’s right, what makes you feel happy and productive, are sometimes mentally and physically exhausting, especially when you have to do them alone. But in the long run, it’s much harder on the spirit and body to pretend that there was nothing you could do to live a more fulfilling life, or nothing you could do to make a positive change in the world.

4) If you own one good black outfit that fits you well and flatters your figure, and you add the right casual or dressy accessories, you’re pretty much ready to go anywhere. This might also be true for men, especially The Rolling Stones.

5) Almost everyone in The United States of America (and probably other countries, too) has thought about writing a book, if they could “just find the time.”

6) If you want to be unforgettable, treat people with respect, warmth, and interest, no matter what their age, background, or station. This goes for everyone, including your neighbor’s five-year-old, your deaf uncle, and the woman who cleans the communal stairs in your apartment complex.

7) In the same vein, you can learn something new and beneficial from everyone, including your neighbor’s five-year-old, your deaf uncle, and the woman who cleans the communal stairs in your apartment complex.

8) There is nothing more valuable than a true friend, and nothing more despicable than one who betrays you. A rotten friend does more damage to your psyche than a rotten lover. So pick your friends even more carefully than you pick your lovers.

9) Always keep your toenails freshly-pedicured. You never know when you’ll have to take off your shoes.

10) You can make a man want you just by laughing at his jokes.

11) There are some people you just have to walk away from, and never look back. These can be anyone from a pushy salesperson to your own parents.

12) Your true love does not have to come with the perfect face. He or she only has to come with the perfect soul. And you won’t believe what a perfect soul will do for one’s perception of a face.

13) If you have children, remember that they’re not your clones. They have their own dreams, opinions, and goals. To maintain a loving, mutually-rewarding relationship with them, let them know you appreciate and accept that.

14) Also when it comes to your kids, you might as well do what you think is right, because you’re going to get blamed anyway, for getting it wrong.

15) To paraphrase another saying, whether you think you’re too old, or not too old to try something new, you’re right.

16) Not everyone appreciates a hug from a stranger, but a kind word is always welcome.

17) Unless you pay them, nobody really wants to hear about your rotten childhood, because they’re still trying to work through their own.

18) Flossing is very important, just as your dentist tells you. I’m not joking. Do it.

19) World peace will not be achieved in my lifetime. I honestly thought it would, because it seems so easy to me. But it isn’t for too many others, so I accept it now, that I won’t live to see it.

20) No matter how rich, worldly, or old a man gets, he still loves to talk about Spider-man.

21) And last, if you work to leave whatever place you’re in a little bit better than it was before you got to it, whether it’s a job, a relationship or a situation, you’ll die a happy person.


Two great ‘over-fifty’ sites:

Last 5 posts by Patricia Volonakis Davis

Last 5 posts by Patricia Volonakis Davis